Valentine's Day Challenges
by YaoiPhox
Summary: Until Feb 2013! I have challenged myself to write as many Akatsuki yaoi shorts as possible within my anual Valentine weekends. There are quite a few pairings. Mature for language and smut in later entries. Review please?
1. Postal Service

Holiday/Challenge: Valentine's Challenge - 2nd "Entry" ~~ February 11th, 2010 - Day One

Theme: Postal Service

Couple(s): KakuHida, SasoDei, ZetTobi, & KisaIta & Special Couple!!

Alright here I go, hope it stays short: it's mainly fluff and **humor**... or intended to be. No smut~! ^_^' This'll have no actual setting. I admit I got this idea from Akatsuki Love Notes... I need to add it to my faves if I haven't already. This account's still fairly new, so... gotta chance to add the stories I enjoyed.

* * *

Dear Kakuzu,

I fucking love you. Do you love me? Write back, fucker.

Love,

Your Fuck-Buddy, Hidan

Dear Hidan,

I love you too.

Love,

Kakuzu

Dear Slut,

Deidara, you stupid slut, I know it's your writing!

Love,

Hidan

Dear Jerk,

Just trying to help!

Love,

Deidara

Dear Hidan,

Don't insult my Dei-Dei! Or I will punish you.

Sincerely,

Sasori

Dear Sex-Puppet,

Hidan's mine, only I can punish him. However you can have your slut.

Yours Truly,

Kakuzu

Dear Kakuzu-or are you!?,

Meet me in the bedroom- you've got 5 minutes, fucker!

Love,

Hidan

Dear Hidan,

Turn around, dumbass. And I am Kakuzu, truly.

Love,

Kakuzu

Kuzu,

Fuck me raw.

-Hidan

Sasori-danna,

Shall we follow their example?

-Your Dei-Dei

Dei-Dei,

Strip and wait for me, love.

-Your Danna

* * *

Dear Zetsu-san,

TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!

Love,

Your Tobi

Dear Tobi,

I don't think you've been very good lately.

Love,

Zetsu-Black

Dear Dark Zetsu,

Neither have you. You need punishment.

Love,

Madara

Tobi/Madara,

I vote we take turns.

-Zetsu

Zetsu,

Deal.

-Madara

* * *

My Angel,

I love you, I'll be dropping by soon, hope you're home alone.

Love,

Kisame

Kisame,

I am now.

Love,

Emo-Angel

Brother,

Our parents are dead-- Who is that naked man in your bed? He has blue skin!

-Little Brother

Little Brother,

That was no one!

-Itachi

Itachi,

DID HE KILL OUR CLAN!? I get it now! Your were going to kill him for revenge!

-Sasuke

Sasuke,

No! I killed our family! Hate me little brother, hate me till you kill me!

-Emo

Emo,

Itachi! Don't say that! Come, let us frolic and have much mad sex!

-Kisame

Dobe,

I think my brother killed our clan for good reason...

-Sasuke

Teme,

O.O Really? You realize this after killing him?

-Naruto

Dobe,

Itachi's dead o.o?

-Emo-chibi

Teme,

Y did he kill them?

-Naruto

Dobe,

He was gay and didn't want to hear another word of our clan's anti-homo speeches.

-Sasuke

Teme,

Why do you see that as good reason?

-Naruto

Dobe,

You are truly a moron: We have sex almost every night, why'd you think I see it as good?

Love,

Sasuke

Sasu-gay,

Now you finally understand, congrats!

-Phox

* * *

It got a little stupid towards the end, sorry... I find it funny though & it's perfect material for a KisaIta story, no? I mean, honestly, killing your _entire _clan, excluding your gay brother, read between the lines, my little Weasel! -xD-


	2. Valentine's Feast

Holiday/Challenge: Valentine's Challenge - 1st "Entry" ~~ February 11th, 2010 - Day One

Theme: A Feast

Couple(s): KisaIta & ZetTobi(/Mada) (Focused)

Alright here I go, hope it stays short: it's mainly fluff and humor... or intended to be. No smut~! ^_^'

* * *

"Happy Valentine's Day fellow members!" Phox grinned, late, as usual, to the meeting. Zetsu rolled his eyes at his new partner's behavior.

"Yay!! Did you hear that, Deidara-sempai?" Tobi joined Phox's grin, jumping up and down, tugging at the annoyed blonde's sleeve. "Valentine's Day is still a few days away, Phox-chan, hmm." Deidara corrected. "So? Valentine's week is just as special to spend with loved-" She was silenced with a warning glance from Itachi. "I personally think having some sort of celebration wouldn't be a bad idea." Pain mumbled. "Ugh, love." Hidan and Kakuzu scoffed together, blushing at the suspecting looks cast in their directions. "Tobi likes love!" "We'll pass." Zetsu mumbled. "I'll cook a feast~" "Deal!" "Goody~!" Phox giggled.

"I'm afraid that some of you'll be unable to be at the feast though; there's a mission at hand before Kakuzu and Hidan take down two-tails." Pain started. "Phox, Deidara, Kakuzu, and Hidan are to gather information on their tailed-beasts."

"Eh, I thought Zetsu and Phox were the only ones that gathered information, hmm? What gives?"

"Oh, I see! I'll be making a clone to go with you, and one with Kakuzu and Hidan while I stay here and cook for Zetsu." Phox smiled, weaving the signs to make two of her specialty clones.

"Yeah, since these two have done such a good job with gathering information on the One-tailed host it figures they would deserve a reward. Tobi I wouldn't advise sending for an information mission." Pain continued, ignoring Deidara's flinch at the mention of the event that caused his beloved's demise. "Now get to it. Phox, Zetsu, Tobi; try not to destroy the base while everyone's away- I leave Itachi and Kisame in charge."

"**Oh come on! **You just complemented us, now you're **clumping us with Tobi?!" **Zetsu complained. Phox merely shrugged as Pain, her clones, and the three others chosen to go on the mission rather than stay for a lovely feast.

"Since Kisame's in bed sick-"

"**From eating bad sushi,** mind you the irony."

"Yes, yes, poke fun now and I'll Amaterasu your asses."

"Now; meaning we can later?" Phox giggled, heading for the kitchen at Itachi's glare.

"I'm in charge. Now, if you'll excuse me; I have a sick partner to care for."

"Have fun playing marine vet!" Phox shouted at the Uchiha's retreating backside. He flipped her off silently.

"Tobi saw that!" Tobi cried. The remaining Akatsuki members had gathered in the dining-styled room. Kisame excluded and now Phox and Itachi had left the two most mysterious members alone. Zetsu sighed, stomach grumbling in anticipation of the feast. Tobi soon joined him on the couch, curling up to his rightful place. "Tobi loves Zetsu-san!" He giggled, snuggling into the plant ninja. Said plant sighed in bliss, placing a chaste kiss on the other man's mask where his cheek would be. "I love you too, Tobi-kun."

"Kisame." Itachi mumbled, entering their room, approaching their coupled beds. No one ever comment ed on it for they had never really been in the room long enough to notice. Even then, they never dared a comment... aside from Phox that is. "Itachi~ I need a kiss." Kisame pouted, rolling over to face the addressed. Itachi smiled and crawled on the bed, straddling his hips. "I'm sick enough as it is and yet still you insist on risking your health by begging for theses foolish--" Kisame sighed, silencing Itachi with a finger before pulling him down, touching their foreheads gently. "Shh- as if I care about myself when you're the one to worry about." He breathed. "Kisame... it's amazing to think that you are a member of the Shinobi Seven." Itachi smirked. "Hm? Are you forgetting Zabuza? He let that little boy tag along for so long; when we had our extremely rare meetings he always dropped his act. As do the others. We're all like big teddy-bears." He smiled brightly when this earned a chuckle from the usually stoic young male. Soon they were both laughing together, tightly embraced in a snuggle.

"Alright, Zetsu, Tobi," Phox entered the dining-like room, menu in hand- Zetsu soon recognized the familiar scrawls indicating it was really her sketch book, "What can I get you two?"

"Tobi wants flap jacks!" "**Deidara..." **"Zetsu!" "**Fine... **we'll have what you're having." "Good 'cause Deidara is Tobi's!" "**On second thought; **we'll have Deidara."

Phox's palm met her forehead as they argued back and forth. Finally, both pouting, they agreed to have pancakes. Phox nodded, twirling on heel to head for the kitchen. Tobi glared at Zetsu and Zetsu glared back. "Tobi loves Zetsu!" Tobi pouted after quitting the staring contest. "Zetsu loves Tobi?" "What would make you think otherwise? **Moron." **"Zetsu always wants Deidara. Don't you like eating me?" Zetsu had been sipping the sake Phox had left behind and did a spit-take. "Tha-that's completely different! And besides; that's no excuse for you claiming Deidara as your own!" "But Deidara is mine..." Tobi's Sharingan flickered to life. "He's your subordinate." "As are you."

Phox returned, freezing at the suddenly tensed atmosphere. 'Shit...' "Madara! Go away, stop picking on Zetsu." She snapped. "I'm not- I just love watching his reactions. They're all so cute." He replied, turning around, grinning behind his mask. "Sadist." Phox retorted, placing the platters before the two. "You think it's... **cute?" **"I think it's very cute." Madara now cooed. "You guys are a pain." she grumbled, pulling up the lid to reveal heart-shaped pancakes. "Happy Valentine's Feast."

Itachi got up once Kisame had fallen into a peaceable slumber, heading for the bathroom. There was a knock on the door and he stopped, turning back around to let in his comrade. Phox offered him the tray she held and he accepted, slightly bowing his head in respect before she left, gently closing the door behind. He returned to his sleeping partner, setting the tray on a bedside table. At the smell of food, however, Kisame jolted awake, drooling despite his prior symptoms of food-poisoning. Itachi hadn't noticed, lifting the lid to reveal dangos, a heart-shaped pancake, and rice. There was also a bottle of whine acting as a paper weight to a note. Itachi frowned, plucking the note and holding it close to his dulling eyes.

'_Dear Weasel-kun,_

_ Take advantage of the medicine in this bottle and the surprise in the dango._

_ Love,_

_ Phox-sama'_

"Medicine?" Kisame groaned, his head resting on the little shoulder to read the slip of paper. "Does she have to write to you so..." "Oh, calm your envious thoughts." Itachi sighed, nuzzling closer. "She didn't even give us any utensils... not even any cups." Kisame commented sourly. "..." Itachi said nothing, reaching for the bottle, popping the cork out and took a swig, startling Kisame. He turned his head to place his lips to the blue ones, which opened, unprepared for sudden attack, to take the red liquid from the other. "Who needs utensils when you've got me?" Itachi whispered seductively.

The note fluttered to the floor, revealing the note on the back:

_ 'HAPPY VALENTINE'S FEAST~'_

_

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**N**__**OTE: PLEASE TAKE THE POLL ON MY PROFILE SO I CAN COME UP WITH DIFFERENT PAIRING POSSIBILITIES! It'll help me in my challenge!**  
_

_Thank you to all my supporters, now I've go to write the one you should've already read in the previous chapter. Hope it turns out good. P.S. These are mainly gonna be fluff – don't feel like writing smut for you all today... maybe another... but not now. Still hope you enjoy~! P.S.S. Download Open __Office if you haven't already! It's just like Microsoft Word and Power Point and such: only free! So much better in my opinion. Glad I waited to start this until after downloading it.  
_


	3. Candies and Friendship

Holiday/Challenge: Valentine's Challenge - 3rd "Entry" (Midnight! = Friendship Pieces) ~~ February 11th &12th, 2010

Theme: Candy

Couple(s): TobiDei – FRIENDSHIP! & DeiHida – Friendship... w/ a bit messin around while Kuzu's gone.... -_-' but hey, what're whore's to do with one another when their lovers're gone?

Alright here I go, hope it stays short: it's mainly fluff and humor... or intended to be. No smut~! ^_^' Esp. not this one – mainly friendship-based. -I gave Blow Pop suckers to my friends for V-Day... & the whole time I kept thinking: Blow Job... xDD I hate myself, truly I do... xD

Also: ZOMG! -lol, the irony that I just found out that's where I am watching the eps- I've met my match. An anime w/ subs that I actually have to pause the vid to read them all! Hetalia is what I am giving a shot at...

* * *

Tobi yawned widely, shuffling into the living room to find Hidan draping himself over an armchair, clearly bored out of his mind. Deidara was also in the living room, channel flipping lazily and casting a glance over his shoulder at Hidan every now and then. All the other members had left for the day, going on whatever missions Madara had assigned them. He hated making Zetsu and Phox go on a mission alone, so he had sent Kakuzu to keep an eye on the suspicious little hybrid. Kisame and Itachi where somewhere or another, and Sasori was done in by his grandma and a chick with pink hair. Tobi soon snapped out of his serious facade, jumping around and crashing into Deidara.

"Get... off... Tobi... now!" He growled, trying to push away the masked ninja trying to give him a hug. Hidan pulled himself up to sitting position and watched, laughing the entire time until Deidara managed to keep Tobi at bay with his foot to his mask. "SHUT UP, HIDAN!"

Eventually things calmed down and the three scrunched together on the couch, settling for an old movie that claimed being the most famous romantic tragedy. If it was so famous, why hadn't they heard about it? Hidan yawned hugely to express his boredom while Deidara rolled his eyes, resting his head on his shoulder. Tobi looked at them with curiosity; they seemed so close and he suddenly realized his was feeling a bit jealous.

"Yea, noise? then I'll be brief. O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die." Everyone's attention turned to the TV to see a woman stab her heart with a dagger and falls onto a man's corpse.

"'The fuck?" Hidan drawled, "Damn, wish it were that easy for me sometimes, Deidara-kun... y'know?"

"What? Why would you want to think about dying? You're immortal." Tobi interjected Deidara's response.

"Kakuzu's not. It wouldn't be that hard to kill a man five times. To die as they did," Hidan motioned toward the two young lovers' corpses on the screen, "would be _thee _way to die." He sighed just before Deidara's hand lashed out, slapping his cheek with as much force possible. Hidan toppled off the couch sideways, going with the blow, and stood, holding his reddened and stinging cheek.

"Don't you dare joke with death and loved ones around me Hidan, especially not now." Deidara seethed, tears threatening to flow as Sasori's face flashed past his mind's eye. Hidan jolted, sensing the distress in his friend. He threw his arms around the blonde. "I'm sorry, Dei-kun!" He pouted, acting cute, rubbing up against him. "Gah, kn-knock it off, Hidan. Th-that's-Un!" "Haha! You need me though after he just left you so easily~." Hidan smirked and let go to avoid being hit for mentioning it. "Look around, I don't see Kakuzu anywhere, hmm!" Deidara pouted now, crossing his arms.

"Tobi doesn't understand! Why did Hidan-san get to hug Deidara-senpai and Tobi didn't?"

"W-e-ll~ maybe because you're not his friend." Hidan taunted, slinging his arm back around Deidara's shoulder.

"Tobi's a good boy! Tobi wants to be Deidara-senpai's friend!" He cried and Deidara groaned, "Thanks a lot, Hidan."

"Heh, you're fucking welcome! Now, Tobi; if you wanna be his friend, ya gotta give us candy and get candy from us in turn, got it?" Hidan winked at Deidara, unseen by Tobi.

"No! Hidan, for god's sake, no!" Deidara gasped, catching the hidden meaning all too easily.

"That's Jashin, prick! Now, go Tobi! I wanna a sucker!" Hidan corrected, smirk growing as he pointed for Tobi to leave. He did.

Tobi returned later with a bag of Blow Pops. Being Valentine's week, they and a lot of other candies were on sale. Madara had been the one to choose Kakuzu as the Akatsuki banker, and for good reason, however even he had to admit that he could still be pretty cheap. That aside, he was curious about the relationship between his subordinates. He walked back into the living room to find Hidan was absent as well as Deidara. He frowned on the inside and plopped down on the armchair, taking a sucker from the bag. He manuevered it under his mask without delay, breaking the protruding end of the stick so he could keep the entire cherry goodness in his mouth without it getting in the mask's way. It was only a matter of time before Hidan and Deidara returned from the large bathroom. This base had only two bathrooms; one in the basement which was reserved for Zetsu and himself, and the other that had a public look to it with about three stalls and an open shower. The fact their pants were carelessly left unzipped didn't escape his notice and he snickered within his mind. Deidara wiping his hand on his pants and Hidan wiping his mouth didn't go unnoticed either.

"Ah, T-Tobi-kun... you're back so soon, hm?" Deidara laughed weakly, straightening his shirt and slightly mussed up hair.

"Tobi brought friends some suckers!" He replied, playing dumb and holding up the bag. Hidan burst out laughing at the name of the American candy. "What a fitting name for a sucker! Give me a Blow, Tobi!" Hidan doubled over in laughter. "Tobi gives you a Blow Pop, Hidan-kun!" Tobi reached into the bag and tossed him a cherry sucker with a gum center. Hidan caught it, surprisingly, and plopped down on the floor at Tobi's feet. Deidara followed reluctantly, taking a sucker for himself before sitting by Tobi's other leg.

They pulled off the wrapper, Hidan with difficulty and Deidara with ease, and slowly brought it to their lips. Hidan's were still soar from blowing his friend in the bathroom moments before. They usually messed around as such anytime their semes had left them for a mission or other such things. The three sat for awhile, just suckin' on their Blow Pops. Once one finished one, they eould reach for another. They would engage in small talk; Tobi not understanding a majority of the jokes Hidan and Deidara exchanged. They had long given up trying to explain it to him after he clamped his hands over his ears. They even explained why the candy was so funny. "Zetsu makes Tobi do that a lot!" was his reply after they had explained what a blow job was.

Phox tap-danced into the living room, seeing Deidara out cold, sucker in his hand mouth. She sighed and approached him. Kakuzu followed her and noticed she was poking Hidan and Deidara, both unconsious and with their own candies. He scooped up his Hidan, pulling the treat from his mouth with a _POP. _Phox smirked up at him, taking the sucker from Deidara to place it in her own mouth. Zetsu went straight to his room where Tobi waited with a sucker pointed at him.

Phox tossed Deidara on his bed with a dull _thump_. "Mn, Sasori, fuck me again." Phox snorted, throwing the covers over him before transforming, curling up besides him. "You'll be joining your lover soon enough, Deidara. Then I can be with mine own." She purred, "I just hope things will work out as I plan them." "And what plans would that be, Phox-sama?" Itachi had arrived. "Weasel-kun... I've seen into the future." "And?" "I predict that I will 'kill' the Zombie Duo first." "They will go...?" "Why not your place?" "Hn..." "Sasori will be back for a report soon. I must take leave." Phox stretched, padding out the door Itachi held open. "I'm sure all will go accordingly, Phox-sama."

* * *

Sorry it took awhile, I was sleepin til 4pm. I'll be going to my gf's tomorrow so... yeah... hopefully it'll bring me inspiration. ;9


	4. I Missed You

Holiday/Challenge: Valentine's Challenge - 4th "Entry" ~ February 13th, 2010

Theme: Missing You

Couple(s): KakuHida

Alright here I go, hope it stays short: it's mainly fluff and humor... or intended to be. _**Smut later in this entry!**_

* * *

Hidan let his cloak slide to the floor, crawling into the warm double bed. His sisters were all so weird; they had placed blood-stained rose petals on the bed and lit candles around his room. He had asked why, but all he got in reply was a quiet giggle. He sighed, rolling to lay on his side, back to his bedroom door. Kakuzu said he would meet him at his place. 'The idiot probably forgot how to get here... or got delayed by a bounty.' He sighed once more, snuggling into his pillow. Soon falling into a restless slumber.

Kakuzu entered the now-familiar yet foreboding home that once belonged to a family of three. The family's end was a disastrous one. The mother was killed along with her newborn while the father was accused of the deed. He walked past the photographs showing a happy couple. Many were of the father with white hair and bright magenta eyes and Kakuzu forced himself to look away from them when a woman joined the frame. He opened the door to the bedroom to find Hidan tossing and turning. He didn't understand why he had forced himself here for the date. The anniversary when his sister killed the former occupants of the house. He soon understood at the sight of rose petals illuminated by the candlelight. 'So his sister set this up.' Kakuzu sighed, shrugging out of his cloak and pulling off his headgear before making his way to the bed. Before crawling under the covers to join his lover, however, Hidan awoke with a start, sitting up, holding his hanging head.

"Did you have that nightmare again?" Kakuzu asked.

"..." Hidan said nothing, only scooting over to him to hold his stitched arm in a hug.

"Move over." Kakuzu exhaled, pulling his arm from the other one's grip. Once he had obliged to moving back, Kakuzu too crawled into the bed to join Hidan.

Hidan said nothing, watching Kakuzu get settled then he lay back down, cuddling up to him. Kakuzu wrapped his arm around Hidan's waist and returned the nuzzle. They snuggled awhile until Hidan spoke.

"I missed you, Kakuzu. What took you so damn long? Leaving me in this place for so long... especially on such a day..."

"Sorry... it looks like your sister tried lightening the mood."

"The mood she caused." Hidan mumbled bitterly.

"Hidan... let's not waste her effort at least... I think I know what she wants."

"The bitch wants me to move on so I will forgive her." Hidan spat, pulling away.

"Hidan... I love you; aren't I enough?" If Hidan didn't know any better, he would say Kakuzu looked on the verge of tears.

"K-Kakuzu... I love you too... but-"

"There's no 'but' about it! They're dead; get over it." Kakuzu's grip tightened.

"I miss them-"

"I don't see why; you hate women."

"You didn't let me finish, bastard. I don't miss her anymore. I miss your lightening-style heart and that other humanoid one." Hidan grinned to help ease the mood. It worked.

Kakuzu, breathing a short sigh, connected their lips in a passionate, bloodless kiss. Hidan was glad for the change of love-making. Yeah, love-making. Not a good fuck, not just sex; LOVE. Kakuzu's hand followed the contours of his lover's body down to the hips and hooked his fingers under the briefs he had chosen to wear that day on a mere whim. Kakuzu pulled away from Hidan, needing air whereas his partner did not and occupied himself with undressing Kakuzu in turn. Once stripped bare, their lips connected once more kind and loving. Kakuzu breathed out softly once he had broken the connection early, "I love you and missed you too much." "You're talking too much, just get to it, dammit." Hidan squirmed under Kakuzu's caresses and the sweet nothings whispered made him blush uncontrollably. Kakuzu rolled to where he now hovered over an eager Hidan, but disappointed his lover when he only sent kisses down his torso, teased around his groin, then back up to his neck for another round. Hidan shuddered, hands tangling in Kakuzu's dark brown- almost black- locks of hair. After repeating his path five times he, much to Hidan's pleasure, asked, "Preparation?" "Mmn~ maybe..." Hidan rolled his eyes at Kakuzu's expression of annoyance and grabbed his hand, letting the fingers slip into his mouth. Kakuzu watched with baited breath, soon closing his eyes to focus on the feel of Hidan's tongue evenly coating each finger lightly; he was still a masochist after all and could handle the painful pleasure. Once Hidan stopped running his tongue over the digits is when Kakuzu withdrew, trailing his index finger down the somewhat pale torso to his ass, circling the ring of muscles lightly.

Kakuzu slid in without delay once the preparation was over; he much preferred it without the preparation. Hidan realized this soon and smirked, purposefully tensing up. Kakuzu moaned out. Hidan relaxed again, throwing his arms around Kakuzu's neck. He pressed up against him as much as possible once the other began to thrust in and then out only to repeat the rhythmic cycle until their climaxes threatened to come and Kakuzu's thrusting broke the rhythm, slowing for a bit before it became necessary to speed it up. Kakuzu slowed, focusing on Hidan's neglected organ until his uke saw stars and came fast and hard, crying his name like he had been the entire time. Kakuzu exhaled before continuing, his white seed spilling deep within Hidan whom was barely conscious after his own orgasm. Kakuzu stayed a bit, catching his breath long after his climax before finally pulling out and snuggling next to Hidan. The candlelight began to dim as the couple fell into a peaceful slumber. They would wash in the morning; after nearly dieing and then sex, wouldn't you be tired too?

* * *

Hopefully this'll make up for laziness to come... I'll be at my girlfriend's for the weekend so I won't be able to update til I get back on Sunday. *returns to typing Akatsuki Seme Pets* Hopefully I can finish the 3rd chap by the time I leave. If not; def. by Monday.


	5. A Game

Holiday/Challenge: Valentine's Challenge - Last "Entry" ~ February 15th, 2010

Theme: Valentine's Day Ending

Couple(s): All my Usual Pairings

Thank you for reading and hope your Valentine's weekend was a good and loverly one. =^.^=

* * *

Phox was waiting for the other members of the Akatsuki to join her in the new meeting room. Their old base had been destroyed by Phox herself for reasons unimportant. The first to the comfy meeting room was Sasori followed by Kakuzu. He glared at her before joining her on the couch. Sasori took a seat on the loveseat and turned to face them. "What do you want now? Hmm?" Their heads turned to see Deidara dragging a reluctant Hidan. "Yeah, what the fuck now? I finally get a damn break and you call a meeting! You're lucky leader's out!" "Tobi wants to hear Phox-chan, shh!" Tobi had also arrived with Zetsu shuffling behind. Hidan sat on the other side of Kakuzu and Deidara joined Sasori. This left Zetsu and Tobi to stand as Itachi and Kisame entered, taking the extra loveseat that paralled Sasori & Deidara's.

"This is about Valentine's Day? If it is, then why call us here; we were just fine in our rooms." Kisame grumbled.

"I thought we'd play a few get-to-know-you games." She explained, crossing her legs, looking important and in command. She motioned towards a dark corner and Konan stepped from the shadows, empty bottle in hand. "Everyone may or may not have noticed that Konan and I have rearranged the seats so they are in an pentagonal form. Zetsu and Tobi, have a seat on either side of Konan." Phox pointed where Konan had sat across from Kakuzu once she had placed the bottle on the coffee table in the center of the pentagon-like outline of furniture. "The way this goes is similar to Spin-the-Bottle. Only if the bottle points to someone, that someone has a choice. Kiss, Romp, Strip, or Truth. Konan; explain our limitations."

"You can only choose 'Romp' once, 'Kiss' infinite, 'Strip' until completely naked, and 'Truth' three times unless you've chosen 'Romp' which excuses you and the person the bottle pointed at for reasons obvious from the game entirely."

"Romps will be recorded." Phox added, striding over to the bottle and placing her hand on it. "Let us begin now." She added, spinning the bottle.

The bottle stopped, pointing at Zetsu. She grinned evilly and Zetsu heaved a sigh. "What will it be, partner?" "Do I have to? **Truth.**" "Aw~ yer no fun! Were you a virgin before joining this organization?" "Uh... **no-**yes. **No, you're supposed to say no! **But I don't recall having sex anytime before! **She doesn't need to know though, moron!"**

"Damn..." Phox pouted, pulling out some currency and handing it over to and eager Kakuzu.

"Why else so you think he picks on me? He's jealous that I get all the whores." Kakuzu patted Hidan's head for added effect, pulling back just as Hidan snapped at it.

"That's surprising, considering your outer appearances." Sasori spoke, "Is Kakuzu bigger or something?"

"You don't look any better, puppet-boy." Kisame laughed. "Same to you shark, same to you." was his reply. "I know for a fact I'm bigger than Kakuzu, right Hidan?"

"Leave me outta this, bastard."

Before a fight could break out, a Phox clone arrived with munchies and Zetsu had stepped up to spin the bottle. He was familiar with the rules having played it with Phox on missions before. He sat down just as it landed on Tobi. 'Hm, that's not much fun...' He thought as Tobi jumped up and down, "Tobi wants truth!" "**Alright, Tobi.** Does Tobi like Zetsu more than Deidara?" "Hai! Tobi's turn! Tobi's turn!" Tobi danced up to the bottle and it landed again on Zetsu. "**ROMP!" **Zetsu exclaimed, snatching Tobi around the waist and whisking out the meeting room, snatching a chocolate-covered strawberry on the way out. A Phox clone met them half way, camera in hand.

"Damn... he always ended our games too soon~!" Phox pouted. "Person to the left of Zetsu- your turn!" Phox grinned, pointing at Kisame. Kisame stood with a sigh and spun the bottle to have it stop on Deidara. "Strip." Deidara grinned. "Kisame chooses what you take off though, Dei-kun." "Still stripping." "Just take your ponytail out, I wanna see if you look more like a chick." Deidara growled at this but slowly and skillfully reached to let his hair down. "Damn... you just look even hotter." Kisame grumbled at Deidara's smirk. Sasori and Itachi both shot Kisame a warning glare as Deidara stepped up to claim his turn. This time it pointed to Kakuzu. The elder grumbled, "Kiss." Deidara laughed nervously, "What, no 'Truth', hmm?" "As if I'd trust you to ask a question I'm required to answer. Kakuzu replied, face now inches from the blonde's. Deidara sighs, lifts the black mask a ducks under to kiss Kakuzu. Hidan scowled once he had counted past three. On six, Kakuzu retreated, spinning the bottle on the way. The awkward silence broken once it stopped at Sasori. "Truth." Sasori said almost instantly, earning a smirk from Kakuzu. "Would you ever consider having a threesome with Hidan and Deidara?" Hidan glowered, Phox restraining his raised hand. "Depends... It would have to be consensual between all four of us and I have to be seme no matter the situation." he replied, this made the blonde besides him pout. "Alright, interesting... your turn to spin, Sasori."

Kisame was put into the spotlight once more and he answered, "Truth." "Is your dick blue too?" "..!" Kisame flushed suddenly at this question and looked down and away. "M-maybe?" "Itachi?" "Yes, it is, hn." "ITACHI~!" "........." The others, including Sasori, watched Kisame stumble over to the bottle. "I choose to... hm~ 'Truth'." Phox purred. "Are you a vixen or a tom cat?" Kisame asked, mind blanked at the sudden response. "Neither, I am a female cat that happens to be named Phox due to reasons unimportant at the moment." She answered calmly twirling the bottle to have it land on Hidan. "Strip..." Hidan blushed. "Pants, off, now." "...! Are you serious!?" He whined, standing up reluctantly to pull down his pants. He was, unfortunately, wearing a pair of briefs that Deidara had dared him to wear due to their pink and womanly appearance. Kakuzu couldn't help but blush when Hidan's discarded pants landed in his lap on the way to the bottle and said bottle pointed to him. "ROMP!" Kakuzu jumped up, snatching Hidan and following a Phox clone out the door.

Sasori and Itachi rolled their eyes, Deidara and Kisame laughed, and Konan and Phox exchanged a sly smirk. Phox, being the one to the left of Kakuzu and Hidan, watched as Itachi's expressionless face became a bit worried. "Er... k-kiss?" The Uchiha tripped over his words making Phox laugh, striding over to her follower to place a chaste, friendly kiss on his cheek before bounding back to her seat. Itachi shuffled over, spun the bottle and squinted to see it had fallen on Deidara. "Strip!" Deidara giggled, despite his hatred for the prodigy. "Shirt." was his only reply which ticked off the bomber. However he obliged, expertly removing his night shirt he hadn't taken off since returning from a minor mission. Sasori, inside his Hiruko, blushed fiercely despite being used to his uke's strange yet amazingly attractive torso. Deidara looked up expectantly at Phox. "Truth." She answered. "I've heard you like the kinky stuff; are you topping or bottom?" Phox laughed, "I hate topping. Bottom's my choice. Not that it's much of one considering I'm straight at the moment." "That's not much fun, un." Deidara sighed as the bottle came to a stop and he answered, "Strip." "Pants, Dei-kun." Sasori could no longer take the strip show his beloved was treating everyone to. Once Deidara, now clad in only his briefs, spun the bottle, Sasori's invisible strings attached themselves to the bottle, forcing it to stop at him. Phox smirked at this knowledge, her sharp eyes and nose sensing the chakra. "Romp..." Sasori grinned, shivering in anticipation as Deidara grinned back, scooping up his clothes and following Konan to their room.

"Alrighty, Itachi, Kisame," Phox stood, "Come with me since it's your turn. And Happy Valentine's Day."

* * *

Thanks for reading this collection of utter and rushed crap! Hope you check out my other fanfics!

This is the final Valentine's Entry until next year perhaps... All Characters other than Phox © Kishimoto


	6. Behind the Massacre

Holiday/Challenge: Valentine's Challenge - 6th "Entry" - February 11th/12th, 2011

Theme: Homophobia in the Uchiha Clan

Couple(s): SasuNaru and KisaIta (Hint of MadaZet)

Warnings/Info: Yaoi. OOC-ness. (Based off Entry 2/Chapter 1) The real reason for the massacre. -wink, wink- This is mostly humorous.

TIME FOR THE CHALLENGE TO BEGIN AGAIN! I appreciate everyone's love and support.

* * *

Itachi and Sasuke sighed, shuffling inside to their father's call. No doubt it was time for another 'Uchihas are almighty' lecture. Their father sat at the table as his wife served tea, smiling as her sons entered. Only Sasuke returned it. Itachi remained expressionless, not even reaching for his tea.

"How was your day today, Itachi?" He inquired, ignoring his younger son.

"Hn." He shrugged, recalling the mission he had been assigned and would be going on the next day. "... I have a mission in the Hidden Mist with Shisui..."

"I see... What else?"

"I'm sorry, father. I cannot release the details yet." He lied, glancing at Sasuke. "I'll be leaving first thing in the morning."

–

The next day, Shisui and Itachi arrived at the edge to the Mist Village, alone. They had plans to stay in an inn whilst gathering information. Itachi decided to take the first shift but Shisui stopped him at the door.

"Itachi, what's been going on with you?" He inquired, suspicion obvious in his tone. "You've been getting more distant."

"Hn... I'd trust you to notice... Shisui." Itachi blinked.

"You should trust me, Itachi." He gave a sad smile. "I love you."

"I love you too, brother." He replied, hiding his sigh. "I'll be back sometime in the morning. Try to stay out of trouble."

"'Kay!" He grinned and returned to the bed, winking at Itachi. "I'll be waiting."

Itachi strolled the streets with indifference. He barely registered that he had entered a bad part of town. He bumped into a large man and cursed his carelessness. Then he realized the man he had run into had blue skin and a large sword on his back. His Mist headband had been scratched as well. The shark-like man eyed Itachi for a moment then grinned sharply, revealing his teeth.

"You look like you could use a drink, kid."

"I am underage." He replied coolly.

"Pft. So? Come on, I know the perfect bar that doesn't give two shits." He placed his large blue hand on his shoulder.

"Hn... Why should I go with you?" His eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"You look too uptight for your own good and the best cure is a cold beer." He started to lead Itachi to a bar and the younger gave no protest, deciding to go with the flow.

One bottle of sake later, Itachi's face was beet red and he released an occasional hiccup. Kisame, the man that had brought him to the bar, watched with amusement, already on his fifth bottle. He could hold his liquor, unlike the lightweight Uchiha whom began to rant about his family and spilled the beans on their plot to take over the Leaf village. Although Kisame could hold his liquor, he would more than likely forget this later. He sympathized with the Uchiha and ordered another round.

By the third bottle, Itachi was out cold and Kisame paid the bill before carrying Itachi back to his temporary residence. He dropped the boy on his bed and began to take off his clothes, climbing in next to him. At this point, Itachi had begun to awake, blinking furiously to clear the blurred vision. He mumbled something and began to rub his eyes.

"Heh. You're kinda cute kid." Itachi felt his face heat when he realized the position the two were in.

"The fuck?" He grumbled, narrowing his eyes. "What're yoo doin in meh bed?" He slurred.

"Damn... you're totally shitfaced." Kisame laughed. "Although, it's nice when you're not all depressed."

"I dunno who yoo are..." Itachi replied. "But I liek yer color."

"My skin?" He grinned, "Really?"

"Shit man... after I'm done with my clan... what'll I do? Dunno if I can even do it... Fucking sauce gay... He'll hate me." He started to sniffle. "I don' wanna be hated..."

"Well I don't hate you." Kisame winked, sending an odd shiver down Itachi's spine.

"I don' hate joo ether." He lay closer to the shark, sighing in content. "Warm."

"Uh... Kid?"

"Shhhhhhhh. Sleep."

"... If you insist..." Kisame grinned, hiding a snicker as he pulled the unconscious boy closer.

–

The next morning, Shisui wandered around, searching out his friend's chakra signature. It was faint and he was sick with worry. The worry increased when the signal led him to a rundown hut by the river. He worried his partner had been tortured and rushed in. He continued down the hall to the bedroom and kicked the door open. The two hungover males growled at the loud noise and the blanket was pulled further over their heads.

"Fuck off." Itachi grumbled.

"Turn off the lights..." Kisame yawned and sat up, Itachi coming up with him as he was clinging to his torso.

"I-I-I-ITACHI?" Shisui took a massive leap back, recoiling in disgust. "What the hell are you doing sleeping with another man!"

"Is this your boyfriend, kid?" Kisame inquired sleepily, looking down as the Uchiha tried once again to clear his fog.

"No... it's my partner... ish..." He yawned. "Do you have to be so loud? My head hurts."

"Itachi, I demand an explanation. Now." Shisui snapped.

"Hang on... let me find my... Kisame... where'd you put my pants?" Itachi rolled out of the bed, showing him to be wearing nothing but his shirt and boxers.

"I dunno. I think they fell off in the hallway." Kisame screwed his face up in thought.

"Fuck... My head is killing me. If we ever meet again, remind me to kill you." Itachi sighed, pulling his pants off a dresser.

"See ya later, Weasel." Kisame grinned as his new 'friend' followed Shisui outside.

The trip back to Konoha was silent, their mission forgotten. In fact, it was not even an official mission. Itachi had convinced his closest friend to accompany him on a secret 'mission'. It was in order to lure him out, of course, and kill him. The Mangekyo would come in handy should he choose to carry through with the secret mission. He stopped when Shisui stopped, just outside the village.

"Itachi, I'll have to tell your father." He frowned.

"What?" Itachi tilted his head.

"You know that homosexuality is forbidden in the clan." Shisui replied harshly.

"Homo—what? Just because I was hammered and shared a bed with some guy, I'm automatically gay?" Itachi scowled.

"I can't believe you lied about a mission just so you could have a good time with your boyfriend, fag." Shisui ranted. "I thought you just wanted to spend time with me and tell me what was on your mind."

"... And you're calling me gay..." Itachi murmured, sighing. "You leave me no choice. If you really want to lie to my father, I'll have to stop you."

"What? I-Itachi? W-What's with that look? Ita-agh!"

–

Days after Itachi had killed Shisui and obtained the next level of Sharingan, he was patrolling outside the village. His father and the rest of the clan were growing suspicious so Itachi had no choice but to carry through with his assassination. He had been distancing himself from everyone, even his brother. Yet, although he had doubts and regrets already. He knew for sure that he would not be able to kill his beloved baby brother, maybe not his mom either. His father's death and how he would feel about killing him was debatable. He sighed heavily, wishing he could go and get hammered again—it had been quite stress-relieving.

He wondered if his blue-skinned drinking buddy was still at the village. He doubted it since he was clearly a rogue. He sighed heavily once more then saw a flash of blue. He tensed and reached for his weapons. A man with Uchiha features appeared, eying Itachi in interest. The younger Uchiha could see two other figures looming just behind him. He recognized Kisame's form and relaxed very slightly.

"You... are Madara, aren't you?" Itachi had recalled his studies of the Uchiha clan's past glory. "What do you want?"

"To help. Kisame has informed me of your dilemma. I see you already have obtained the Mangekyo. And so young..." He continued to look over Itachi. "Tell me, what was the deciding factor to killing your best friend..." He glanced at the other figure.

"It was a boy name Shisui, **Madara.**" The man spoke with two voices.

"Thank you, Zetsu." He dipped his head and smiled before returning attention to Itachi. "Well?"

"... He was going to tell father I slept with that guy." He nodded towards Kisame and Madara seemed surprised, also looking to the blushing shark.

"Zetsu informed me that you two just had a drink and shared a bed..."

"We did." Kisame replied hastily.

"Not like you... **You usually ravage your 'prey'.**" The other man, Zetsu snickered. "**Then we get to eat them.**"

"Zetsu-"

"Calm down, Kisame." Madara approached Itachi. "So, why would it be a problem for your father to hear such a thing?"

"You're an Uchiha." He scoffed. "You should know it's because they're extreme homophobes."

"Hm. I am an Uchiha, but I also have a male lover. They have something against their founder then?" He scowled. "Damn them to hell..." He motioned for Kisame to step up. "I will help you take care of your clan and Kisame will help take care of you until I return tomorrow."

"You look like you could use another drink..." Kisame mused once his companions had left.

– Half a bottle of Sake (for Itachi) Later... –

"Guh. It won't be good if I go home hammered..." He grumbled.

"Then don' go home." Kisame replied with his sharp smile. "Stay in an inn with me, babe."

"'Babe'?" Itachi rose a brow in question. "Hn... I'd prefer angel."

"What kind of angel?" Kisame played along, smiling oddly.

"An angel of death..." He replied before downing the rest of his—and Kisame's—sake.

"I like it." He murmured in Itachi's ear, making him shudder.

"... I'm underage..." He replied, scooting closer to Kisame on the bench just outside the Uchiha's complex.

"Well, we already got the alcohol... I know you're under... age..." As he was speaking Itachi got to his feet, straddling the shark's lap. "Oh..." He grinned, placing a large blue hand on the back of his head. "Then we just won't go too far." He breathed, sloppily kissing the younger.

Itachi had never kissed before so he returned it, just as sloppily. He put his arms around Kisame's neck and Kisame put an arm around his waist. Nearby, Itachi's father was leaving the police building. He decided to do one last patrol outside their estate. That is when he saw another man's arms around his son, their lips doing something only a man and woman should do (in his opinion;)).

"Itachi!" He exclaimed, anger radiating off him in waves.

"Shit." Itachi cursed and sprang away from Kisame whom vanished in a cloud of smoke. "Father..."

"Go home. Now." He seethed, pointing to their 'mansion'. "You are in for some hard punishment."

The only hard punishment Itachi had at the moment was a hard-on. He trudged back home, feeling his father's eyes boring into his back. He saw Sasuke in the kitchen, helping their mother with dinner. Their waves and smiles stopped when they saw the males' serious expressions. Their mother ushered Sasuke out of the room and was about to question their expressions when Itachi's father slapped him.

"Dear?" Her eyes went wide while Itachi's fists clenched.

"Itachi, you filth... You of all people should know the rules." He snarled.

"Your rules are 'bullshit'." Itachi drawled, using the term Kisame had given him after he explained their rules.

"Why you ungrateful-" He rose his hand but his wife stopped him, demanding to know what this was about. "He was with a man." He replied through clenched teeth. "Kissing the freak."

"He isn't a freak!" Itachi snapped defensively then froze when he saw both of their eyes narrow. "... I... apologize. I'm just drunk and I was curious." He could tell Sasuke was listening. "I had never been kissed before and he forced himself on me. It won't happen again."

"It better not or I will kill you." His father growled.

"No, we can't kill him." His wife frowned, "But we will disown you... if it happens again. You understand, Itachi?" Itachi's throat was tight and he felt a swarm of emotions; hate, disbelief, hurt, and so on.

"Yes..."

Sasuke had left before Itachi had been threatened. He went to his younger brother's room after his parents had sent him away with the punishment of no meal until tomorrow's dinner. A dinner befitting Death.

"Big brother." Sasuke greeted his brother, still trying to figure out what the three had been discussing—it was obvious perfect Itachi had done something to anger their father again but he did not understand what.

"Sasuke... Tomorrow, how about you practice more with your shuriken after school? If you return just before dinner time, I'll show you a new technique."

"Really?" He brightened, the early tension broken.

"Yes." He lied. "I promise." Fingers crossed.

–

The next day, Itachi walked with Sasuke to the academy. On his return home, he met Madara in a disguise and they began to plot. The clan was slaughtered and Itachi had reveled in his parents deaths until he heard Sasuke. It went as planned and he met with Kisame just outside the village. The shark smiled sympathetically and crushed him in a hug, letting him cry himself to sleep.

– Years later... –

"Lord Hokage, I was wondering if you'd like to go for a stroll with me. Are you free?" A raven-haired man asked the Hokage.

"I'd love to, teme." The blond grinned, creating a doppelganger to take his place at the Hokage seat.

"Good, dobe." He teased, kissing the boy's whisker markings.

The easily sneaked out and into the surrounding forest, hand in hand. Nearby, two others were walking, pale hand in blue hand. The raven's hair was down and they wore casual clothes, a large sword on the taller male's back.

"I'm almost disappointed that the Akatsuki fell apart so quickly..." The blue man was saying.

"Hn... It's not surprising since all of us turned out to be gay with our partners... Even Madara quit to spend more time with Zetsu. And it was his organization."

"I'm still doubting whether or not Pain was really straight."

"He isn't. Hidan said Leader tried to rape him."

"Ah. So that's why Kakuzu gutted him..." He paused. "What happened to Konan?"

"Hn." The raven shrugged and then froze as he came face-to-face with another raven-haired boy.

"... Brother." They returned, both gripping their lovers' hands tighter.

"S'up, Jinchuuriki?" Kisame greeted the blond.

"Nothing much, Kisame." He returned with a goofy grin. "You hear about the ceremony?"

"That's why we're here, Naruto." Kisame's partner eyed the Jinchuuriki and then examined his brother. "I want you to take good care of my brother."

"I know!" He whined having been told this many times.

"I want to thank you two..." The younger Uchiha smiled. "If you two had not met then Itachi would not have killed our clan and I would not be getting married to my handsome fiancé."

"Hn." Itachi smiled. "Thank you for forgiving me."

"I haven't." Sasuke huffed, confusing the other three. "You still need to show me that 'new technique'."

"Oh..." Itachi smirked, a slight blush ruining the effect. "All you have to do is give a little nip every now and then. Gets me every time." He winked at Kisame. "Right, my sex shark?"

* * *

Lawl... done. It's a shame I don't have much time to make my Valentine's day oneshots. I only have the two day weekend this time rather than a four-day weekend.

Hopefully I can make at least three though, including this one.


	7. Love Potion

Challenge: Valentine's Challenge - 7th "Entry" - February 13th, 2011

Theme: Love Potion

Couple(s): SasoDei, ItaDei, **KisaIta**, KakuHida

Warnings/Info: Theme/Idea/Pairing suggested by thundybear on deviantart. Again, no smut and possible OOC. Again, humor. There will also be a banana. ; )

* * *

Kisame waited outside the artists' room, pacing as the minutes passed. His idea was crazy and the chances it would work were slim. After roughly half an hour, Sasori stepped out, a vial of blood-red liquid in hand. Kisame grasped for it but the redhead stepped back.

"You're crazy, I hope you know that." He drawled.

"I don't care. I'm desperate." He whined.

"Just tell him."

"Easy for you to say, you already have someone. The one I want is just as emotionless as Kakuzu which is why he is having the same problem as me."

"Very well, Kisame." Sasori sighed. "Don't come crying to me when this backfires. All he needs to do is consume it."

"That's it? I don't even have to be the first he sees?" Kisame blinked.

"No, that's why I took a strand of your hair." He explained. "But... if any other DNA is added, no telling what will happen." He warned before being called back in the room by his partner.

"Oi, oi. Kakuzu, what the hell is sharky..." Hidan watched Kisame head for the kitchen, starting the routine of making Itachi's morning tea—only today he was doing something out of the norm.

"Sh. Don't interfere. He's using a potion that is supposed to make the Uchiha actually feel emotion." Kakuzu explained, steering clear of the tea, wanting to stay out of the plot as much as allowed.

"... Is this about how Kisame's got the hots for his bitchy partner?" Hidan scoffed, snatching Kakuzu's banana the moment he had started to peel it.

"Oi, that's mine, bitch." Kakuzu snapped, pulling it out of his mouth.

"Ew... I just sucked on that." Hidan wrinkled his nose.

"So?" He mumbled around the fruit. "I'd rather not waste what we can share." He shrugged.

"... Do you think Kisame will succeed?" Hidan mused.

"I should think so. Sasori is skilled with poisons... why should potions be any different?" He rolled his eyes, pointing the nibbled banana at him.

"Tch. Bet it'll backfire and Itachi'll end up maiming if not kill Kisame." Hidan smirked, licking the tip of the fruit.

"... Very well. If Itachi doesn't maim or kill Kisame after this, I get to do whatever I want with you and you can't bitch about it." He shoved the banana down Hidan's throat, muffling the immortal's rant and curses.

"Kisame, where's my tea?" Itachi shuffled into the kitchen, his hair down and tangled.

"Making it now." He replied with a smile.

Once it was finished, Kakuzu and Hidan stopped their silent argument to watch Itachi gulp it down. They waited, and waited, and waited... and waited... Itachi had finished the cup and went to rinse it out. Kisame frowned, staring at the vial in his hand. Kakuzu and Hidan exchanged a confused look and then the artists arrived. Sasori saw the group eying Itachi and wondered why the Uchiha was still jut standing at the sink, face hidden. Deidara let go of his hold on Sasori and approached his rival.

"Are you okay, hm?"

"I am now, Dei-chan." He smiled, turning around to cling to him. "So cute for you to be concerned for me." He purred, nuzzling the blond.

"WHAT?"

"Bitch get off my bitch." Sasori snapped.

"Your bitch?" Itachi's Sharingan flickered. "First off, he isn't a bitch. He's a handsome young man. Second, he belongs to no one because he is not property." He jabbed Sasori in the chest. "You don't give two shits about DeiDei. You just like his tight ass."

"Itachi...?" Kisame stepped up, reaching to rest a hand on his partner's shoulder. "What's going on?"

"... Shit. Dei must've gone near the mix when I took that bathroom break." Sasori hurried off, leaving his blond with Itachi and Hidan as Kisame and Kakuzu decided to follow the redhead. "Yep, damn brat was brushing his hair near my desk again..." Sasori sighed, plucking a long strand of blond hair from his workstation.

In the kitchen, Deidara was struggling to get Itachi to stop touching him. He occasionally called to Hidan but the older male was looking on in amusement, sticking with his decision to avoid the mess as much as possible. Unfortunately, that was not going to happen as he had forgotten about his banana peel. Deidara slipped, Itachi rushed forward to rescue him, and their lips met. Given the chance, Itachi quickly deepened it.

"Deidara!" Sasori had returned to find his lover enjoying the kiss a little bit more than he should. "What are you two-?"

"Sorry danna!" Deidara cried, shoving his attacker away. "There was a banana peel and I slipped and-un?" He stiffened when Itachi hugged him from behind.

"No need to apologize. You should admit that he likes me too." Itachi drawled.

"Let him go, Uchiha." Sasori growled.

"Fine." He growled.

Itachi released Deidara and strode out of the kitchen to his room. Kisame followed after being nudged on by Kakuzu. His bet with Hidan was against either of them throwing it to their favor but he needed to win. Anytime they had a bet, Hidan asked for money and he always won, oddly enough. This bet, Kakuzu had a plan.

"Sasori, let go, you're hurting me, hm." Deidara whined on the way to their room.

"This is all Kisame's fault." Sasori grumbled. "Falling for his emotionless partner and then asking me to make a love potion." He frowned.

"Wait... what, un?" Deidara blinked. "You mean he's only saying that nice stuff about me because you made a love potion, hm?" He looked downcast.

"... Don't tell me you actually like Itachi." Sasori growled.

"Well... no, of course not. I hate him and his 'I'm better than you' attitude, hm." Deidara replied. "You're almost as emotionless as him, hm."

"If that were true we would not be lovers." He replied softly, holding him close. "I have told you a million times that I love you."

"I know, Danna." He smiled, nuzzling the redhead. "Sorry."

"You don't need to apologize."

Meanwhile, Kisame was in the shower, leaving Itachi to sit alone on the bed with his thoughts. Kisame stepped out after a few minutes and Itachi held up his clothes, which had been stolen from him. Kisame tilted his head when Itachi did not hand them over, instead beckoning him closer. Once he was close enough, Itachi slapped him, startling the shark.

"You know... I did not like this morning's tea." He mused, a smile coming to his face.

"Why... why not?" Kisame gulped.

"... I know about the potion. I overheard Sasori explaining things." He crossed his arms. "So you still think I am emotionless now?"

"I never thought you were emotionless." He protested. "I just..."

"A potion isn't required to get me to show my love for you. All you have to do is ask." He shrugged.

"Wait... what?" Kisame's jaw dropped and Itachi leaned in, kissing his cheek.

"I love you too. No potion needed."

"Hidan... looks like I win the bet." Kakuzu smirked down at his partner, retreating from Itachi and Kisame's bedroom door.

"Fuck..." He grinned a little. "Guess that means I won't tell you after all."

"Tell me what?" Kakuzu frowned.

"Something an emotionless bastard like yourself wouldn't understand." He sighed. "So are you gonna hit me? I can't bitch about it if you do." Kakuzu smirked and kissed Hidan's lips, startling the younger.

"You can't bitch about that." He replied, turning away to return to their room.

* * *

Only one more day left. It's a school day though so don't expect much... or do... I dunno. My head hurts...


	8. Alone

Challenge: Valentine's Challenge - 8th "Entry" - February 14th, 2012

Theme: Alone

Couple(s): KakuHida

Warnings/Info: Pure, Poorly Written Smut.

* * *

Hidan moped around the base, occasionally reading snippets from his Jashinist scripture. Kakuzu had some personal business to attend to, leaving the Jashinist alone on Valentine's weekend. Normally he would not mind except, not only was Kakuzu late, but Hidan was sexually frustrated. He put his scripture down for the umpteenth time and shuffled about the room, straightening things up due to sheer boredom. He was hoping all would be forgotten but when he caught sight of some of their bedroom toys, his need heightened.

Grumbling he went to the bedroom door, locking it. He inhaled sharply and dug through the box. He tossed out a few toys that had been, in his opinion, overused. Kakuzu was a cheap ass after all and rarely bought anything new or interesting. He tried turning a few on, cursing when they failed to work.

He finally settled on a vibrator hardly big enough to bring him to orgasm. Hopefully his imagination would be able to pick up the slack. Blushing deeply, he pulled off his pants and got into position, bending over and resting on his forearm. He imagined Kakuzu forcing him over, pinning his torso on the bed whilst rubbing his raging erection on Hidan's flushed skin and backside.

A hand roamed his stomach and up to his neck, barely touching and giving him goosebumps. Hidan slipped the toy into himself, moaning for effect. He had been right in assuming it would not please him like the real thing. However he needed to release sexual tension. He spread his knees a little, now using his chin to hold himself up as he reached a now free hand down to his hardening member. He stroked himself slowly and a little roughly, breathing with some difficulty in the awkward position he was in. He switched the vibarator on its highest setting, struggling to move it in the right places.

After a long while of this he grunted, pulling it out in agitation. He sat back up, grumbling and looking at his only half erected member. He was too impatient to sit and masturbate. He needed someone inside him. He tossed the toy under the bed and got to his feet, unlocking the bedroom door. He was certain he was still the only one in the base and headed out without worrying about his state of undress and arousal.

"I see you started Valentine's day without me." Kakuzu's deep voice from nearby startled Hidan.

"Fuck you, asshole! You should have been home hours ago. Where the hell were you?" Hidan demanded in a rush, glaring.

"I got here two hours ago but the bedroom door was locked." Kakuzu smirked. "Usually it only takes a few minutes for me to make you come. Yet after two hours, here you are, not even fully erect."

"S-Shut up!" Hidan snapped, covering himself with his hands.

"Want me to finish for you?" Kakuzu merely smirked, setting his bags down, pressing Hidan against the stone coffee table.

"N-No, you lost your chance." He stuttered, biting his lips as Kakuzu started to rub his hips.

"Seems like you're desperate enough to forgive me." He whispered, nuzzling his cheek before pulling his mask down. "Besides, I've been waiting to get inside you for days."

"Pervert." Hidan panted, helping to lead the other's large hands towards his erection.

Kakuzu smirked, knowing he had won, gently groping and kneading his prize. Hidan never failed to put on a show of arousal through verbal gasps and moans. It was the one time Kakuzu wanted Hidan to keep his mouth open. He smiled and nipped Hidan's neck, lifting him slightly in order to force him onto the table. The Jashinist purred, spreading his legs a little wider as Kakuzu moved between them.

Hidan liffted his bare hips to Kakuzu's clothed groin, tangling his fingers in his hair. The duo proceeded to undress the miser, fumbling in their excitement. As soon as the most important limb was freed, they stopped and Hidan brought his knees to his chest with a wink. Kakuzu smirked and lined himself up, teasing his partner by moving slowly.

"Fucker!" Hidan's curse ended with an exclamation of pain.

Kakuzu lunged, thrusting himself in completely. He pulled Hidan legs away from his torso, making them wrap around his waist. Once in a satisfying position, they started moving against one another. Hidan moaned as the friction from their torsos rubbing affected his erection. He flung his arms around Kakuzu's neck at a particularly rough thrust.

As Kakuzu began to pant his partner's name under his breath, his orgasm loomed. Hidan gave a pained smile, kissing his man as he released inside, making the table slide a little. Kakuzu pulled up after the kiss and orgasm ended, surprised to find his chest clean. He looked to Hidan for an answer.

"You were pinning it down too hard." He huffed.

"Dumbass..." Kakuzu rolled his eyes, wrapping his fingers around his shaft.

"Fatass." He retorted, moaning.

Kakuzu finished his lover off in only a few strokes, smearing the mess on Hidan's lips with a sneer. Hidan reluctantly licked it, and Kakuzu's hand, clean. Finally satisfied for the night, they separated.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

* * *

I know this sucks. It's all it had. I'm so sorry guys! I promise to make up for the slack next year!


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